i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want nice things and good sex
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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