too bad you live with your parents still
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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