I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
