one two three fourrrrnication!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
