after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
