i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
