Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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