worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
