I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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