i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
