He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
