Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
