I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
