You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
