I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
