Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
