Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
