I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
