I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
COCAINE IS GR8
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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