Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
