Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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