i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
