I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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