i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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