i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
