I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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