I will die if light touches me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Acid is not a monday night drug
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
