I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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