I cannot find my penis.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
