white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
