I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
