Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
