i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
