i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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