I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
