you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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