can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
