Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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