So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am midnight drunk by noon
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
