someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
PS: I just woke up from my shower
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
