just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
