I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
