Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
