May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
