she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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