So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
