The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
