My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
