I'm lost and stupid without you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
