if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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