I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
