From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
