Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
