Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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