I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
